well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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