I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
