Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
