Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
