I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
