Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
