Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
