Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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