I love black thongs
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
