i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
