Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
