I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
