So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
