How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
