I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
