Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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