btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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