she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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