It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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