we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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