So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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