my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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