how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
