wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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