Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
