My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
