thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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