I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
