Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
