If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
