bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
