I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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