So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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