I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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