It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
