I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
