You can't special order awesome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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