that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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