i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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