I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize