chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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