You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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