I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
