were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
