Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
