Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
