I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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