He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
