Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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