It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
