she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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