It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
