I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
