Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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