There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
