Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize