just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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