Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
