Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
