I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
