On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
