I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
