like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
