be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
