well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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