i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
