The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
