so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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