I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
