babies were throwing up all over the place
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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